JERUSALEM — According to paparazzi, Jesus Christ, the Kings of Kings and Lord of Lords, was spotted spending Easter weekend at his burial tomb, which is now renovated into a state-of-the-art, dope-as-fuck mancave. The former site of Christ’s temporary entombment contains an 82” 4K UHD television along with every sports channel & HBO, a kitchen island, a fully-stocked bar, a pool table and a Gideons bible stacked on a pile of vintage Playboy magazines by the toilet. “It may not look like much on the outside,” said Christ while double-fisting Bud Lights, “but inside, you better get ready for a mothafuckin’ RESURRECTION!” The Son of God will be throwing a private party throughout the entire weekend. “Originally, it was gonna be a bread & wine tasting while we watch The Ten Commandments, but that shit’s bunk yo,” explained Jesus. “Instead, we’re gonna catch the ball game, throw on some steaks, shotgun some Buds with Mr. Easter Bunny. I heard Kanye West and Russell Wilson are coming on down too. It’ll be a hella good time, brah.”
The Stabbington Post 