Tomb Raider is one of the most successful video game franchises over the past 20 years. Lara Croft fans have been anticipating a reboot for some time now. And the results? Dismal. An absolute letdown. There are no playable levels, no DLCs, no nothing. You’re just watching a 2-hour cut scene, which contains numerous fights and some high-octane adventure, then it goes straight to the credits. Antsy gamers are left wondering, “When do I start the game? Lara has been climbing walls and fighting baddies for well over an hour. Shouldn’t I be controlling the gameplay by now?” This is bullshit. I guess the graphics kinda make up for it. The designers did a bang-up job making Lara Croft look like a lifelike version of actress Alicia Vikander. You’re better off wasting your time watching a Tomb Raider movie. Worst. Game. Ever.
[Editor’s note: Our resident StabPost critic was unaware that he was writing a film review.]