Area Man Pays Tribute To Late Cranberries Singer By Butchering “Salvation” At Karaoke Bar

SAN FRANCISCO — Grief stricten by the sudden passing of Cranberries singer Dolores O’Riordan, area man Jay Thorstein paid tribute to her with a horrendous performance of “Salvation” at Spanky’s Karaoke Bar. “This is the way she would’ve wanted,” said the glassy-eyed regular. According to sources, Jay slurred through the first verse and sang the wrong lyrics, despite having the proper ones in front of him on a screen. By the time he got to the chorus, Thorstein raised his voice in a brash yet obnoxiously effeminate tone, chanting the words “SALVATION! SALVATION!” more times than the song was originally written. “He does this every time a famous singer dies,” commented Ted the bartender. “I hope Steve Perry doesn’t die soon. I dunno how many more fucking times I gotta hear ‘Don’t Stop Believin’.” At press time, Jay was spotted requesting to sing “Linger”, an unlikely possibility since the host opted to sing “MacArthur Park” well into last call.

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